I’ve been quiet the last almost 3 months. I needed to be still, listen, heal, enjoy and grow. I needed to take in and understand the lessons and blessings that came through the heartache of loss. I needed to love on me.
I needed to be angry. To feel the rage and disappointment. I needed to find my voice in all of the choking emotion and let down. I needed to just be real. To feel the pain of a broken heart, the heartache of what if. To let go of all the future moments I though we’d have.
Fortunately there are a lot of women who’ll never know the pain of miscarriage. However, sadly, there are many of us who do. Who live through loss after loss and live the struggle of getting past it, healing and living life again. Each time feeling like a little piece of us is gone.
I wasn’t even sure if I would talk about it openly. Then I realized, part of my HealingOne journey has been built on my own transparency. Sharing my experiences to help encourage others. I’m still figuring out what I want to share. I do know that it’s part of my own healing and I know that it’ll help other beautiful souls as well.
So for today I say…
Beautiful woman, you are still worthy. You’re still worthy to love and be loved. You are worthy of healing. You are worthy to grieve, to release and process however you need to. You are worthy of all the time it takes to move forward. You are worthy to think about the future moments you thought you’d have, and to be angry about it.
You’re worthy to feel the emotions and give yourself time to process them. You’re worthy to forgive your body and know that it wasn’t your fault. You’re worthy to dream again and figure out in your own way how to move forward. You’re worthy of whatever it is you want and need in order to get through a moment no woman ever wants to experience. Most of all, you’re worthy to find the new you. Because yes, you’ve changed. You’re not the same anymore. You’re not oblivious to the pain that hits you at your core. But you don’t have to stay there. In your own timing, in your own way, you find the right rythym that breathes new life into your heart and soul.
I say from my heart and spirit to yours, you’re not alone and you are worthy. That’s it for now. Just know that this fellow badass is walking it out day by day and finding my new normal. And you can too.
HealingOne & fellow badass,
When I was thinking about what I wanted to share this month, I thought about something I find myself repeating constantly – both to myself and to others: “You can’t give others what you don’t have inside and you can’t get from others what you don’t already possess.”
What do I mean by that?
Think of yourself as the taste tester. How can you describe how decadent a wonderful piece of chocolate is or how tantalizing a mouthwatering piece of fruit is (insert your favorite food) if you haven’t first tasted it? I’ll pick an Almond Joy bar for example. The way the coconut & chocolate mix so elegantly with just a hint of crunch and texture, preparing my mouth for a mega fest of chocolaty goodness once I bite into a piece of the hidden almond!! Oh, heaven I tell ya, heaven!
Kindness is the same way. You must first taste it, experience it, before you can share and extend it to others. You create a standard within that allows you to dictate your treatment and experience with others. You create the smorgasbord of yumminess in your own life that can overflow and touch others. However, if you aren’t doing that you might find it challenging to readily and authentically extend it to others. You may end up feeling resentful, taken advantage of, used and abused, etc.
You see, creating your own experience with self kindness is like the measuring stick that helps you learn how to share with others in a way that feels good and makes your own life that much richer.
Give it a try. Look at your life in this moment and see where you can insert some extra goodness and kindness to yourself. Here’s to creating beauty all around with just a sprinkle of goodness!
Originally written for and featured on Kind Over Matter blog:
I discovered this as I worked through my own fears and insecurities. 2017 has been both the best and worst year so far. I say worst because I’ve dealt with grief and loss 2 times, close to home and it rocked my world. I felt upended, upside down and all kinds of turned around. As if that wasn’t enough I was in a major car accident and had several other things all happening at the same time. I couldn’t even begin to put into words the magnitude of upheaval this year has brought. However, even with all of that, it has been the best year. I can truthfully say that and wholeheartedly mean it.
How can I still be so encouraged and upbeat after getting my butt whooped by life for the last six months? KINDNESS! Yup, that little simple thing that starts within and resonates out. I found myself in a place of choice. Because I felt this anger rising up in me, I felt that little itch of anger growing and growing. I knew I could either give into it and lose myself in it, OR I could stand true in the lessons I share with everyone else. So, I made a choice in that pivotal moment and I chose to be kind to myself. I recognized that the anger I was feeling came from feeling a lack of control, not understanding why all this crazy stuff kept interrupting my good moments.
I decided that I’d get my control back by acknowledging the hurt and fear I was feeling and I’d give myself grace to just not know how to fix it all. Even as a coach, I have moments of overwhelm and just feeling plain messed up. So, I gave myself kindness to feel it all, to just be in the experience and let the emotions come. I allowed the fear to come up and I sat with it. I even had a conversation with myself, talking to my fear. Then I told myself “It’s OK to be scared, to feel out of control. You’re going to get through it. You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s OK to feel weak, to feel out of control. This moment shall pass.”
I can’t even tell you how powerful that was. To say it, to feel it, to let it resonate. I sat in kindness and let it envelope me. I describe it like a bubble of peace, calm, serenity and bliss.
I call it my “golden bubble” – a space I get into and just let the earth,
the universal energy of love and goodness just wrap around me and saturate me.
Now believe me, I know that fear can get all up in your face and have you ready to hide under the bed. It’s alright to be afraid. However, you don’t have to stay in that space. As you are able, give yourself kindness to combat that fear.
Some ways to invite more kindness into yourself:
Reading a favorite book
Listening to a favorite song
Writing affirmations or a gratitude list
Finding a quiet space and just being
Taking a walk in nature
Dancing until you fall in a heap of laughter
Spending time with a great friend or loved one
Treating yourself to a favorite dessert or meal
Wearing a favorite outfit and going somewhere special
Anything that makes you feel good!
So, get your kindness on and conquer those fears.
Originally written for and featured on Kind Over Matter blog:
Life is a beautifully splendid experience, well most of the time anyway. Right? LOL. But seriously, you might be thinking otherwise if you’re experiencing or have recently gone through some major challenges. If you’ve had any type of negative or overwhelming experience lately you may feel like life isn’t so grand. Maybe you’re angry at yourself or someone else, angry at circumstances, feeling that your life isn’t meeting your expectations. Whatever the reason(s), now might be a great time to shower yourself with KINDNESS. Guess what? Even if your life is really good, kindness will ramp it up to be even better.
Now you might be scratching your head. You might even be ready to dismiss what I’m saying, but please keep reading. It’s worth it.
Life really is beautiful and splendid; it just gets a little cloudy sometimes. However, you have the power to create a better experience by treating yourself with kindness. HOW? Here are a couple of ideas.
One of the most powerful and simplest ways I’ve extended kindness to myself is to regularly practice forgiveness. I extend it to myself and others to allow healing within me and create a space of peace in which to exist.
I literally make gratitude a part of my daily habits and routines. Transforming and life changing, the simple act of being thankful and appreciating as much as I can allows me to continually receive more goodness in life.
Taking time to really recognize and own your awesomeness (I mean really screaming for joy at how amazing you are) is yet another way to amplify your life.
How do these 3 things help? Simple – the more you utilize forgiveness, gratitude and self appreciation, the more you create an energetic space around yourself that life responds to. You create an attitude that looks for and receives goodness. You create a space that other people respond to as well. Simply put, the more you pour kindness into yourself, the better you feel and you will have a much better outlook on life.
Anyone up for a little kindness?!
Share with me. What are you doing to create some extra kindness for yourself?
Originally written for and featured on Kind Over Matter blog:
I was thinking back on my own transformation and the things I can clearly see that have changed within me. I remembered going to lunch with 2 friends (a guy and girl) last year and having some deep conversations. We all shared compassion and support for the different things we were tackling and it was a great bonding moment for us all.
The conversations actually got pretty deep, there was a lot if laughter and picking on each other, however we actually shared some great advice and suggestions each other. They eventually turned the hot seat on ME… it was not pretty, lol!
Let’s just say… THEY GOT ME ALL THE WAY TOGETHER, LOL!!! The topic of conversation turned to RELATIONSHIPS… they called me on the carpet and then gave me a homework assignment that was supposed to start in my next dating adventure. The lucky man was not gonna complain because it involved me being more emotionally present and available in the relationship AND more affectionate, which was definitely not my thing. So this was my… I DON’T WANT TO BE A GROWNUP OR BE EMOTIONAL picture… i threw a tantrum for the camera, lmbo!!
Fast forward and yup, I’ll own it, I listened and took their words to heart. I may be an expert in some things but I’m still human and have my quirks. Because I recieved the wisdom and am always willing to work on me and grow, I received the biggest blessing in return, the amazing man who won my heart and soul.
I was willing to STOP saying what I didn’t like, own my issues and dive in and challenge myself to grow. I did and still do the work. I’m my first client and will always be a work in progress. However the work is always worth the goodness on the other side of the challenge.
My simple wisdom..?
Always be willing to try. Even in your perfect imperfection, they’ll be things you still have to work on, yet when you’re willing to do the work, the blessings and rewards are always greater and sweeter.
SHARE WITH ME…Comment a simple wisdom you’ve learned that makes relationships beautiful…
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For those actively in a relationship…
Today let your mind wander back down memory lane. What attracted you to your mate? What grabbed your attention and made you feel you just had to get to know them? What made you decide you needed to build something with them? Let those memories empower you, do something bold, something different today.
Don’t just say you love them, SHOW THEM. Think back on some of the things they’ve said made them feel good, loved, appreciated. Do it! A card, flowers, bubble bath, cleaning his man cave, giving him free time with the guys, bringing her flowers or something that tickles her fancy, etc… do that thing or things and refresh the love with your mate.
If you aren’t in a relationship, whether you’re dating or enjoying being single and want a relationship in the future…
You can do the same things for yourself. Cultivate the energy you want to experience with your significant other, for yourself first. Set the stage so that when you meet them, you already know what makes you feel good and you can share that with them.
Did that title get your attention? Awesome! Now let me explain what I mean. I’m all about forgiveness, allowing it to flow freely in my life. I have walked the lessons and wisdom I’ve gained over the years, studying forgiveness, practicing forgiveness, writing about forgiveness. Yup, I’ve even written a book about it. (LOL) So, I’ve gotten to be pretty good friends with forgiveness; we’re like ebony and ivory together.
Well…I can truly say in the last 2 months forgiveness came full circle for me and taught me so much more about love than I’ve ever comprehended or fathomed! Since I last wrote on this blog, my dad passed. It affected me in ways I could never have imagined. We had been estranged and had a very tumultuous relationship. The good thing is, I’d forgiven him. So when I got word that he was in ICU and not doing well, I immediately jumped into action and planned to go to him. Now keep in mind, this was a weekend, super bowl weekend to be exact, so flights were crazy to say the least. I ended up finding a friend who took off work with an hour notice and drove over 13 hours to help me get to my dad.
To say it was life changing does not do justice to the experience. I arrived about 3am on Sunday morning and we were blessed to have a few hours together. He wasn’t able to talk, but when I held his hand and talked to him, single tears kept falling. I knew he could hear and understand me. It was powerful, soul-touching and healing all wrapped up in a warm hug. It was magical. He passed a little over 24 hours after I arrived. I’m at peace because I know he was at peace.
Are you present when life shows up for you..?
I actually had to ask myself this question recently and I had to get HONEST with myself. I wasn’t being present, I was peddling water and not getting anywhere fast. I was existing in my blessings but not really experiencing them. Let me be TRANSPARENT and say that was hard for me to own up to. Yes, I can be real enough to say that, I STRUGGLED to find my balance. However, once I realized what I was doing, I was MOTIVATED take action and make changes. I was not about to see all the good stuff in my life blow up, lol.
I came into the year saying I wanted MORE!! That was my INTENTION and focus for the whole year. More love, joy, happiness, laughter, fun, adventure, more of everything good that makes me smile and making my life brighter. I was/am focused on giving and receiving more.
Even more specifically, I wanted to RECEIVE MORE. I’ve struggled over the years to find BALANCE in giving and receiving. I give, give, and give, often to my detriment… a hard brick wall to keep banging your head against. So I decided this year was my year to open up to life on a whole new level. Boy, I did not know what I was in for!!
I started the year working on my chakras, specifically my HEART Chakra is what I focused on. I worked on clearing some energy blocks, some inner work to release any old limiting beliefs that were coming up. Then my dad passed, what a JOURNEY! Let’s just say that catapulted me into a place of healing that I’m still experiencing and processing. People think I’m joking when I say GRIEF pushed me further and deeper into my GRATITUDE space. Powerful!
I STOPPED BELIEVING THE LIES!!
Would you have guessed that I was so broken and beaten down by life that at one point I felt absolutely worthless? I felt unworthy of love, healing, joy, anything good. Worst of all, I honestly didn’t realize I felt this way!
I had gotten so good at wearing the mask for everyone else that I started believing it myself. I thought I was good, I actually thought life was ok. I had somehow accepted the lie, that life was supposed to hurt. I accepted the lie that people were supposed to mistreat me, that’s just how people are. Right? I accepted the lie that life was always gonna be a battle and I had to stay in fight mode.
This was years ago and I had no inkling about being a badass. What I did have was a moment of AWAKENING where it felt like my spirit literally woke up and said, MO MORE! I felt like I was SUFFOCATING and I knew something had to change and it had to change IMMEDIATELY!
It was a process, however over time I completely changed my whole life, spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. Life actually started to feel good. I connected with better people. Happiness wasn’t a fleeting experience, it became an integral part of my life. The final piece for me was letting my #BADASS come out.
Why..? Because I realized that even though I’d changed my whole life, I was still muffling my voice to a certain extent. As an entrepreneur, even as a woman, I felt like I had to fit in the guidelines. I had to stay in the coloring lines and be neat and pristine.